How do you tell a friend their parties

How do you tell a friend their parties

So a couple of friend's of mine (husband wife duo) are throwing a Memorial Day bbq, and my husband and I were invited. No music, no food, no booze or drinking games, just kind of standing or sitting around doing nothing. I won't go into the particulars but needless to say these friends don't know how to cook/bbq, they don't drink, and they are just overall terrible hosts. They hosted New Years at their place and I ended up falling asleep by 10pm cause it was so boring. How do you make New Years boring?!?!

On the flip side, I have some other friends that throw THE BEST parties. They have a fire pit, they brew their own beer, have a kegerator, AND a cocktail bar, they love to drink, there's always some sort of homemade party food tray, awesome music (impromptu dance contests in the kitchen!), they even go so far as to give out prizes for 'winning' drinking games. Every time I go over there its a blast, unfortunately they will be out of state for memorial day :(

Regarding my lame o friends, I'm thinking of giving the wife some tips on how to liven up their parties, but how do you tell a friend "uh, your parties suck, here's how you make them better" without offending them? I've tried bringing music and some games, but the vibe just isn't the same. Its almost like lame o friends think they are 'too cool' to be domestic and proper hosts to their guests. As if its beneath them to put out a fruit platter and a game of horse shoes cause its totally suburban and god help their street cred if they do anything suburban. eyeroll

Normally I'd just say 'eff it and stop attending their parties (which I've pretty much done since the New Years disaster), but we've already RSVP'd for the Memorial Day bbq and I'd feel shady backing out. Ugh, I'm already dreading it, and I shouldn't be dreading a bbq!!!

Either way I plan on doing as much as I can to at least entertain myself and my husband (summer mix CD, materials needed for booze o buckets, and lots of alcohol); but I really feel like I need to let the wife know, soonish, that their parties are literally, the dullest thing ever. I could stay home and play on the PSP and be more entertained.

Thoughts or ideas on how to tell her that their parties suck? I'm at a loss on what to say that doesn't come across as offensive or jerkish.

LOL! Ok, you can't teach her how to host in time for this party you've committed to. Just limit your time there, and leave early. Maybe your parents have something urgent that needs doing, idk.

eta: and, would just do my best to engage people there talk to everyone, make it fun.

eta: really though, how do they not serve food at a bbq? not even veg and dip?

i wouldn't have thought it'd be up to you to comment at all unless, as kg said, you're really close, and it doesn't sound like you are.

You know, I probably wouldn't tell them if you think it would come across the wrong way. I suppose different people have different ideas regarding what is "fun", yeah? For example, I noticed in your OP you mentioned booze/drink like 5 or 6 times, so my guess is that you equate drinking with fun. Your friends don't. It's just different tastes for different people.

If you value their friendship I would just be as social as possible and be nice. You can still have fun without all the music and beer. Try to bring a card game or one of those group activities games. Also, call ahead and bring food for goodness sake. Good luck. we have a great time just hanging out, shooting the s, that sort of thing. Once you add more people to the scenario, like a party, the energy starts to die. Also friend's husband and my husband are childhood friends (used to be besties, but divergent life paths kinda cooled off that aspect of the relationship)

Regarding the food, they tend to operate on a BYO basis (which would be fine, if you told your guests that its BYO). The last time the had a bbq they just had NO idea; you can't invite 25 people and then buy a 4 pack of sawdust burgers and an 8 pack of hotdogs and call it day (he even forgot the buns!). Plus dude friend can't grill for s, its always undercooked and flavorless. My husband has offered to grill, but hes not about to shell out $$$ for meat when that should ostensibly be the host's job.

Essentially they just don't plan for parties. They kinda still operate under the college party paradigm, where you just invite a bunch of people over and the goal is to get as wasted as possibly on the booze you brought. But we're all Old People now (not really, late 20's to early 30's) with houses and full kitchens. we have a great time just hanging out, shooting the s, that sort of thing. Once you add more people to the scenario, like a party, the energy starts to die. Also friend's husband and my husband are childhood friends (used to be besties, but divergent life paths kinda cooled off that aspect of the relationship)

Regarding the food, they tend to operate on a BYO basis (which would be fine, if you told your guests that its BYO). The last time the had a bbq they just had NO idea; you can't invite 25 people and then buy a 4 pack of sawdust burgers and an 8 pack of hotdogs and call it day (he even forgot the buns!). Plus dude friend can't grill for s, its always undercooked and flavorless. My husband has offered to grill, but hes not about to shell out $$$ for meat when that should ostensibly be the host's job.

Essentially they just don't plan for parties. They kinda still operate under the college party paradigm, where you just invite a bunch of people over and the goal is to get as wasted as possibly on the booze you brought. But we're all Old People now (not really, late 20's to early 30's) with houses and full kitchens. we have a great time just hanging out, shooting the s, that sort of thing. Once you add more people to the scenario, like a party, the energy starts to die. Also friend's husband and my husband are childhood friends (used to be besties, but divergent life paths kinda cooled off that aspect of the relationship)

Regarding the food, they tend to operate on a BYO basis (which would be fine, if you told your guests that its BYO). The last time the had a bbq they just had NO idea; you can't invite 25 people and then buy a 4 pack of sawdust burgers and an 8 pack of hotdogs and call it day (he even forgot the buns!). Plus dude friend can't grill for s, its always undercooked and flavorless. My husband has offered to grill, but hes not about to shell out $$$ for meat when that should ostensibly be the host's job.

Essentially they just don't plan for parties. They kinda still operate under the college party paradigm, where you just invite a bunch of people over and the goal is to get as wasted as possibly on the booze you brought. But we're all Old People now (not really, late 20's to early 30's) with houses and full kitchens. At this point you'd presume that if someone is throwing a party at their Fancy Adult House they'd stock up for it, right?

can you tell them how much you adore their company in a 4 some setting and that you feel it's a shame if it is "diluted" by the other guest, that you'd rather stand back for the others until the two of them will have time for a proper meet up (wouldn't be a lie, would it?)?

can you ask them it its BYO everytime they invite you? and also if everyone else knows? lame, I know, but.

ever tried over complementing them (is that a word at all?!?) on how laid back and sexily frugal blah blah blah their dos always are? would they get it.